By ALI NADERZAD – January 11, 2010

Lindsay Lohan was in a car crash over the weekend according to TMZ. Here’s a copy of her most recent tweet: “2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!?:)

Let’s make our new year’s resolution, people, how about it? Let’s ask our legislators to help make Lohan (or ‘Lilo’ as she is known–as if she needed an easy-to-remember nickname) citizen, and then president of some faraway, agriculture-based country with a strong military presence. Lohan could become the next Imelda Marcos of that country and, for a short while at least, rule with a sequined, iron-fist hand and then the military would take over in a putsch and Lilo would be relegated to tilling a plot of borrowed land. I’m not sure how much plow experience Lilo has (sorry, Borat) but guess what, she’ll just have to learn. And since we never hear about these small countries, I’m pretty sure TMZ won’t report on her whereabouts, and CNN won’t report on TMZ’s reports as they have been been doing for some time now (the tabloidization of mainstream media is one of my favorite topics and one that I might discuss in this space later). So, here’s to Proposition 86: elect Lilo President. Who’s with me?